Segun’s sudden habit of staying out late and withdrawing from our  family was  concerning. I became angry and confrontational and he beat me. I tried to get him  to stop this behaviour with tears but he was unmoved. Then I decided to forgive  and love him without waiting for his apology and I went on my knees to pray for      him.

 Jehovah rekindled our love; Segun came home one night full of apologies and  promises of being a better husband. And he has kept every promise.

Ever wonder what the rationale behind your spouse’s words or behaviour is?If you can’t understand it, attack sometimes seems like the best option. The truth is that the human mind will willingly think the worst about what it cannot explain or understand. Romans 12:2 says ‘do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds’. This indicates that we have the power to control what we allow our minds to meditate on – the hurt or the love!!

No matter what your spouse has done, don’t dwell on the negative thoughts because they will hold you back from forgiving. Instead, the Bible says to ‘meditate on the things which are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and of good report’ (Philippians 4:8). Are the thoughts you have concerning your spouse affectionate and loving?If not, you need to change your thinking so that resentment will not set in.

Regardless of what he might have done, your responsibility is to forgive and not dwell on the hurts. I am not saying live in denial, but it is vital that you do not to allow hurt take root in your heart.Forgive, meditate on love and pray for your spouse – it will set you free. Martin Luther King Jr.said, “I have decided to stick with love, hate is too great a burden to bear”.

Remember, your spouse will never deliberately hurt you. We must therefore not be ignorant of the enemy of marriage -Satan. His mission as we know is ‘to kill, steal and destroy but [Christ] has come to give us life more abundantly’ (John 10:10). The enemy is not your spouse, it is the devil, which is why the Bible says our ‘weapons of warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ’ (2 Corinthians 10:4-5). Resentment, bitterness and malice are contrary to the understanding of Christ. We cast them down in your life in the name of Jesus!

By knowing our enemy, we will not fight against flesh and blood but powers, principalities, rulers of darkness and wickedness in the heavenly places. The strength of any marriage is not just in the good times but also in the obstacles surmounted together. The Bible says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour, for if they fall; one will lift up his companion” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

You and your spouse are on the same team, so team up to fight the enemy,not each other.