“Mummy, can I have sex?” Joy asked

“Ehn??  Sex? No ooo, you must not till you marry” her mother stammers.

“Can I at least kiss?”

“Don’t kiss either” her mother replies and walks out, shocked at her daughter’s questions but leaving the child more confused by not offering further information.

The trepidation with which parents approach sexual related talks with their children is disheartening. Most parents would rather relinquish the role to schoolteachers or the mass media. Although I do not wish to condemn this, after all teachers are supposed to instruct our children, however, most of the teachings are purely concerned with the physical act of sex. Other parents put down a blanket rule of sex being banned with the reasons given being “Because I said so!” or “Because God said it’s a sin!” Others, feeling it is inevitable, may hand their son or daughter a condom and tell them to “be safe.”  The child thereby tolls the old path of“experience is the best teacher”.

Proverb 22: 6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”. Sexual education should start at an early age however the degree of information should be age appropriate.  As a child grows, certain sexual related questions will arise and it is the parent’s responsibility to proactively answer the questions. The parent may have to compete with the hyper sexualized media, tolerant sex education in the school, peer pressure and the child’s desire to explore.

Taking into account the number of competing alternative information sources, it is imperative to constantly pray for and with your children. As you pray, the Lord will build a hedge around your children.

Talking to your children about sex and sexuality can be uncomfortable at first but with time and practice, it will get easier.Seize teachable moments as they occur, the discussion could be initiated from watching a movie on puberty or sex, or seeing a pregnant teenage neighbour. Tell your daughter where NO ONE should ever touch her until she is married – with the exception of a medical doctor if she needs to be examined. She should also start cleaning herself from an earlyage.

Let me point out here that certain myths as told to us by our parents like “if you use a guy’s toilet you will be pregnant”, “Don’t go near the guy’s hostel lest you be fried and eaten” etc. might not be applicable to this generation, given their level of exposure. You have to be realistic in your explanations and conversation with your children.

Other things to do asides the teaching:

1. Develop a relationship with your children so that they can tell you anything.
2. Build trust in your children. Most children don’t tell their parent if they are being harassed or molested sexually because the perpetrator tells them “no one will believe you” or threatens their safety and the child believes him/her (the molester).
3. Let your children trust you with their secrets and also believe that you trust them and will believe them if they tell you, even if it about their stepfather or uncle. In 2 Samuel 13, Absalom took the law into his own hands because David did nothing about Tamar’s rape- do something within the confinement of the law of your land and the laws of God.
4. Ensure parental control on certain movies and videos.
5. Be watchful of the environment in which your child is allowed to stay. Don’t allow your child stay unguarded with anyone of the opposite sex. The devil can use anyone that yields to him.

Given the increase in the rate of child molestation, the below are signs to watch out for in children:

1. Withdrawal – sudden withdraw from people including her family and friends or becoming unnecessarily clingy.
2. Becoming unusually secretive
3. Sudden personality change, mood swings or insecurity
4. Acting in an inappropriate sexual way with toys or objects
5. Regression to infantile behaviours such as bedwetting, thumb sucking etc.
6. Sudden reluctance to being left alone with a particular child or person
7. New adult word for body part and no obvious source
8. Physical signs such as unexplainable bruises or pain in the genital or mouth.

If you notice any of the above sign(s), create a dialogue and ask questions. No evil will befall your children in Jesus name.

 

Also read “RAPE!!! Unmask it”in the link below:

http://familybliss.nomthiodukoya.org/2013/07/23/rape-unmask-it/