Children are heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward (Psalm 127:3)

Children go through different phases in life, and it is the responsibility of their parents to guide them through these phases. The rule to guiding them does not rest solely on Proverbs 23:13-14 “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.” as most African parents believe.

Ephesians 6:4 says “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”. Teaching and reprimanding go beyond the use of a rod in teaching children to recognise right from wrong.

It is pertinent to understand your child’s stage of development, as this will inform the way that you discipline them. For example there’s the terrible twos where your little one might display tendencies of being feisty and difficult, throwing temper tantrums or talking back at you. This is simply a phase when children are exploring and trying to express their independence; at this stage they need guidance to help shape their character.

I remember talking to a friend and she recalled hearing her sons talking after she had banned them from playing their favourite video game for being naughty.

“It is better when she beats us.” said the younger brother with teary eyes. “This new punishment is too hard, we should avoid being naughty,” they concluded.

Each child is different; some might require a spanking, while for others, a talk on acceptable and unacceptable behaviours, or being banned from doing something he/she loves might be better.

Here are few thoughts on how to handle the development of your children:

Pray for your child: You are the first prophet of your child’s life; make good use of that position while you have it.

Identify the individuality of each child: Treat your children with fairness; show no favouritism but understand that not all children can be handled in same way. I have heard mother’s say, “Why can’t you just be like your elder brother?” Don’t waste your energy comparing your children, God created everyone uniquely. As a parent, identify their different personality traits and handle them appropriately.

Define their boundaries: Don’t assume that your child will understand right from wrong innately. Define clear boundaries from a young age and they will follow it throughout their life. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Consider the motive of a child’s action: The ‘naughtiness’ might be to get your attention or it might be born out of ignorance.

Validate your children: If Jesus needed to be validated by God before commencing his ministry (Luke 3:21), your children also need validation from you. It will be their defence against criticism and the bullies of this world. Encourage your child, even if when he or she is not doing so well.

Watch your response: Don’t respond to your child on his or her level, remember you are modelling the behavioural patterns that you will eventually see in your child. When your child is showing his or her worst side, do not be tempted to show yours- be calm. Handle every situation firmly but calmly.

Be consistent: Don’t exhibit inconsistent behavioural patterns. If you tell your child not to lie, do not lie in their presence; it will confuse their values.  Also if you say you’re going to do something, or if you have prescribed a punishment, it is important to always follow through.

Love: As much as your child tests your patience, continue to respond in love. And when you discipline your child, do so in love.

Forgive easily: Give multiple chances and be quick to forgive.

Try different correctional methods: Keep trying new mode of correction or discipline till you find the one that works for your child. Like in the example I mentioned earlier, being banned from a favourite activity is sometimes a more effective punishment than being beaten. Find out what works for your child.

Endure the phases: Most of the time periods of misbehaviour, whether during the terrible toddler phase or the angry adolescent phase, do not last long. To give up on your child is to give up on yourself.

Your children are heritages from the Lord (Psalm 127:3) and they are for signs and wonders (Isaiah 8:18), love and cherish them and they will bring you joy.