He took hold of her hand and said to her ‘come, lie with me, my sister, but she answered him, ‘no, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel, do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now, therefore, please speak with the king; for he will not withhold me from you.’ However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. – 2 Samuel 13:11-14

Is beauty a blessing or a curse?

I think Tamar must have asked herself this question knowing she had done nothing to deserve being raped by her half-brother Amnon. The truth is that sometimes bad things happen to good people—this is just the devil’s attempt to thwart destinies. But the devil cannot destroy in time what he did not create in eternity.

Rape is one of the ways the devil tries to silence women. This is because most rape victims never truly heal and forget the hurt. But here are some ways to handle rape.

1)    Accept that it has happened and it was not your fault. Don’t live in denial and don’t play the blame game. It is not your fault it happened! There is never an excuse to rape someone regardless of what they are wearing etc.

2)    Speak up. Tell your parent, guardian or counsellor. Don’t keep it a secret; evil thrives in secrecy. Expose it for what it is. Given the stoic society we live in, certain experiences are never voiced out and the victims simply suffer in silence. Sometimes, the family of the abused may even blame the victim. Generations have therefore suffered from this evil act because victims have refused to speak for fear of public criticism/ridicule, stigmatization or because “no one will believe me”. We will believe, so speak up!

3)    Go for medical examination.

4)    Forgive the perpetrator(s).

Forgive??? Yes, forgive. It might be hard but it’s a decision you have to take because there is no reason to add unforgiveness to the hurt. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die. The perpetrator is not worth that emotion. Forgiveness also helps you heal faster. You might not have control over the past or present occurrence, but you have the ability to control your future. Don’t let someone’s action destroy your future.

You can demand justice, but do it the right way with forgiveness in your heart. Absalom’s hatred for the act perpetrated by Amnon made him revenge by killing his brother and he ended up in exile (2 Samuel 13:29, 34). Did the murder of Amnon help Tamar in any way? I don’t think so; maybe some fleeting satisfaction but it did not change her condition.

5)    Watch your company and guard your environment. Don’t stay alone with anyone of the opposite sex in an enclosed place. Amnon was Tamar’s half-brother; the devil can use any vessel that yields to him. Don’t stay alone and unguarded.

6)    Allow God heal and restore you. Hebrews 4:15 says we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses. There has been a peculiar case where God restored the virginity of a raped girl on her wedding night that her husband could not believe her claim that she had been raped as a child. This however does not happen in all cases.

Virginity is not a test of spirituality, so whether your virginity is restored or not, allow the balm of Gilead heal your heart and hurts.

Understand that you are worthy and valuable in God’s eyes. God says he will give double honour for your shame (Isaiah 61:7). Joyce Meyer wrote about how she was raped by her father, yet God is using her tremendously. God holds your destiny in His hands and no devil can thwart it.

Whatever the devil has seemingly taken, God will heal and restore. He will give beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

You are loved and special to God.