But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown brings forth death – James 1:14-15 NKJV

An intelligent young man once asked me, “Is it wrong to masturbate?” Although this is one question asked by many young people, masturbation is one of the least discussed sexual topics in the church. Yet it is something that can affect the whole family – from our children to our spouses.

The question is: What is masturbation? It is the manual self-stimulation of the genital organs to derive sexual pleasure. And all kinds of people masturbate: young and old, single and married, male and female.

As we grow, our sexual desires become particularly strong. This is more so when we reach puberty. Because we encourage our children to abstain from sex before marriage, many choose to masturbate instead because it seems like a harmless alternative to sex. After all, they cannot get pregnant or impregnate somebody, they will not catch any diseases and they can remain virgins while reliving pent up sexual tension. However, masturbation is almost inevitably associated with sexual fantasies and this is where the problem lies – it is the product of a sinful process.

When a person masturbates, a sexual fantasy is needed to arouse them; this can be in the form of a mental image or thoughts that stir their sexuality, or through visual aids such as dirty magazines or pornography. Therefore the thoughts required to masturbate go directly against the teachings of Jesus Christ concerning lust: ‘But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart’ (Matthew 5:28). Jesus is telling us that lustful thoughts (for anyone other than our spouse) are sinful. So masturbation is not a harmless alternative to sex for young and/or unmarried people; it is a result of sinful thoughts and feelings.

For most people who masturbate, it is something they do a few times a month, a few times a year or even a few times in their lifetime. However, for some, masturbation can become an addiction that inhibits other areas of their lives. It is a habit that could go on to become a marital issue later in life.

It is therefore important that parents do not leave out masturbation when discussing sex with their children. And if you learn that your child is masturbating, do not panic; seize the opportunity to have an open discussion with him/her. Help your children with practical things that may reduce the temptation to masturbate. Encourage them to spend time with the family instead of being alone in their bedrooms. Put desktop computers in communal spaces instead of the child’s bedroom. Set parental controls on internet-connected devices and television.

God created sex, and so sexual desires are a part of being human. We need to let our children understand that while the sexual desires that begin to awaken during adolescence are normal, acting on these desires before marriage is a distortion of the goodness of sex within the context of marriage. Ask God to guide your children, and pray with them often that God will help them to resist temptation.