“Does my Pastor hate me? Why is she so against my new boyfriend?”She asked in exasperation. “Can’t she see that he is better than all the other ‘brothers’ I have dated? He opens the car door for me, allows me to win every argument while subtly stating his opinion, and showers me with gifts and attention. Even his family practically adores me, and he does not stop me from serving God. What more can I ask for? If it’s about his belief in God, I can change that once we are married.”

This statement is used far too frequently as the justification for dating an unbeliever: “I can change him.”

More often than not, this ends up being a wish, and not a reality. Do you really believe that you have the capacity to change anyone?

The choice of who to marry is one of the most important in life; some might say the second most important decision you can make – after giving your life to Christ. To make it based on a belief that your spouse might change his beliefs is a chance that you shouldn’t take, as a decision that will determine your future shouldn’t be left to chance.

The Bible is clear that we shouldn’t marry an unbeliever, and the reality is that God will not bend his rules because of you. 2Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” So to disobey God and then expect Him to fix it for you is unwise. Ignoring Biblical instruction and then believing God to change your spouse/boyfriend could be likened to boxing yourself in a cage, throwing away the key and then expecting God to break you out.

You cannot change anybody’s heart –that is the job of the Holy Spirit. So unless you have swapped job descriptions with Him (Holy Spirit) you will be frustrated.

This instruction not to date or marry an unbeliever is for your benefit, not God’s. There have been a few cases where the guy does change but these are exceptions, not the rule. You can avoid heartbreak or a failed marriage by heeding Biblical instruction. If your partner is a true Christian with the fear of God, it will be easier for you to overcome the inevitable trials of marriage.

I am not saying that if your boyfriend/spouse is a Christian, you will not have issues. However the advantage is that you both can state your problem before God and jointly believe Him for a change. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says that two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. It is also easier to handle temptation if you have same beliefs – as neither of you will do anything to entice the other to sin.

If you eventually get married to an unbeliever, the disparity between your belief systems could be confusing to the mind of little children who would see their parents profess different faiths. Naturally you will want your children to know, love and serve God, but if one of their parents does not, there is every chance that they could grow up to be unbelievers also. Why put the salvation of your children at risk? There is a Christian man with the fear of God for you.

Avoid an unequal yoke…