“You this stupid child, don’t you have any sense? You are too slow and forgetful, will you ever amount to any good in life?” Does this sound familiar? Do you once in a while hear an angry mother in the heat of anger throw these kinds of words at her wards/children? And when you try to dissuade her from using such strong and careless words, she tells you things like: “I didn’t really mean that, it came out unconsciously because I was provoked, the curse of a parent does not really stick….”

A lot of times we say things to our children or those around us, especially in a fit of anger, without weighing the consequences. Most times a person cannot go beyond the words spoken into his or her life. A child who grew up hearing positive, loving and encouraging words will grow upto be self-confident — with a can-do spirit and the ability to reciprocate love. However, a person who all through his or her life constantly heard negative, critical and condemning words will most likely be emotionally destabilized, insecure and timid.

People are products of the words they have heard or read. Consider, for instance, the renowned neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson who as a child was labeled a dummy by his classmates. He regularly brought home from school bad test grades and report cards. After a while he became convinced that he was the “dumbest kid in the fifth grade”, but his mother’s timely intervention set him on a new path of self-discovery and re-orientation. He and his elder brother were mandated by their mother to read two library books per week and submit a written report on what they had read. Also the time they spent watching television was drastically reduced to two programs per week.

Ben Carson realized that by reading he could be whoever he wanted to be. The encouraging words he heard from his mother and the knowledge (words) he gained from reading voraciously turned around his story from being the class dummy to a force to reckon with in his chosen field of endeavor. In his words, “If my mother had not been such a positive influence in my life, and had not stressed education as much as she did, I would definitely not have made it into medicine. I probably wouldn’t have found my way to college at all.”

If his mother had poured out her frustrations on him by calling him names when he brought home very poor test grades and report cards, his belief about being “the dumbest kid” in fifth grade would further have been reinforced. Rather she encouraged him to give his best and settle for nothing less than doing his best for himself and others.

We should be mindful of the words we speak to our children/wards as they often go a long way in shaping their future. Speak only the things you want to see in their lives. Remember, there is the power of life and death in your tongue.