Resource

Waiting Tips

by Nomthi Odukoya

The fourth tip is PREPARATION.

There is a popular saying that “success is when opportunity meets preparation.” I heard the story of a young man who prayed for an opportunity to travel out of the country. One day, his boss asked him to bring his international passport because he wanted him to go with him on a business trip abroad. But the young man replied that he did not have a passport. The opportunity came (in answer to his prayers) but met him unprepared. Benjamin Franklin said “By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail.”

It is time to prepare for your child (James 2:14-18). In the parable of the ten virgins (Matthew 25:1-13), what differentiated the wise virgins from the foolish virgins was their preparation for the bridegroom. Preparation is the hand open to receive from God.

How to prepare:

  • Nutrition: A balanced and healthy diet that includes sources of protein, whole grains, vegetable and fruits, and sources of calcium should be maintained. Take some vitamin supplement (if necessary). Doctors also recommend regular intake of folic acid.
  • Exercise: Exercise regularly to keep you in shape and get rid of stress. A healthy body is more receptive to becoming pregnant.
  • Maintain a healthy weight: Losing or adding weight as appropriate can boost conception. Research shows that women who are obese before pregnancy are more likely to have babies with birth defect.
  • Avoid lubricants, large amounts of caffeine and vitamin A, smoking, alcohol, hot tubs, stress, marijuana, fish with high mercury alcohol, exposure to toxic substance etc.
  • Take time to rest.
  • Talk with your spouse about how the responsibilities will be shared when the baby comes.
  • The birth of a child means loss of control over your time and body, so make good use of your time while preparing. Apply for a course or learn a desired hobby.
  • See a dentist: Bacteria in the mouth can lead to gingivitis and other issues, which in turn have been shown to result in pre-term babies and low birth weights.
  • Start designing your baby’s room  — pick the colour scheme and design for the room; start shopping for clothes and simply add works to your faith

Abraham Lincoln said “If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six sharpening my axe.” It is time to prepare for the birth of your miracle; your sons and daughters are here.

 

Talking To Your Children about Masturbation

by Nomthi Odukoya

But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown brings forth death – James 1:14-15 NKJV

An intelligent young man once asked me, “Is it wrong to masturbate?” Although this is one question asked by many young people, masturbation is one of the least discussed sexual topics in the church. Yet it is something that can affect the whole family – from our children to our spouses.

The question is: What is masturbation? It is the manual self-stimulation of the genital organs to derive sexual pleasure. And all kinds of people masturbate: young and old, single and married, male and female.

As we grow, our sexual desires become particularly strong. This is more so when we reach puberty. Because we encourage our children to abstain from sex before marriage, many choose to masturbate instead because it seems like a harmless alternative to sex. After all, they cannot get pregnant or impregnate somebody, they will not catch any diseases and they can remain virgins while reliving pent up sexual tension. However, masturbation is almost inevitably associated with sexual fantasies and this is where the problem lies – it is the product of a sinful process.

When a person masturbates, a sexual fantasy is needed to arouse them; this can be in the form of a mental image or thoughts that stir their sexuality, or through visual aids such as dirty magazines or pornography. Therefore the thoughts required to masturbate go directly against the teachings of Jesus Christ concerning lust: ‘But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart’ (Matthew 5:28). Jesus is telling us that lustful thoughts (for anyone other than our spouse) are sinful. So masturbation is not a harmless alternative to sex for young and/or unmarried people; it is a result of sinful thoughts and feelings.

For most people who masturbate, it is something they do a few times a month, a few times a year or even a few times in their lifetime. However, for some, masturbation can become an addiction that inhibits other areas of their lives. It is a habit that could go on to become a marital issue later in life.

It is therefore important that parents do not leave out masturbation when discussing sex with their children. And if you learn that your child is masturbating, do not panic; seize the opportunity to have an open discussion with him/her. Help your children with practical things that may reduce the temptation to masturbate. Encourage them to spend time with the family instead of being alone in their bedrooms. Put desktop computers in communal spaces instead of the child’s bedroom. Set parental controls on internet-connected devices and television.

God created sex, and so sexual desires are a part of being human. We need to let our children understand that while the sexual desires that begin to awaken during adolescence are normal, acting on these desires before marriage is a distortion of the goodness of sex within the context of marriage. Ask God to guide your children, and pray with them often that God will help them to resist temptation.

How to overcome discouragement

by Nomthi Odukoya

There are things in life one just has to go through at different stages of life. Those things don’t announce their happening neither do you invite them, but they just happen. One of such things is discouragement. We all experience it whether we are rich, poor, young or old.

The web dictionary describes discouragement as the feeling of despair in the place of obstacles. From the definition we can see that discouragement does not happen without any cause. You don’t wake up one day and decide you are going to be discouraged, but things just happen that could deprive you of your confidence, hope or enthusiasm.

Those circumstances could be:

  •  Rejection – Deserted by your spouse or parents; Refused admission to the university; Cannot find a job
  • Betrayal- Someone you trust does something you least expected of them.
  • Abuse- Verbal or physical abuse from spouse or parents
  • Guilt- Can’t forgive yourself for what you have done
  • Death- Your loved one suddenly died and you had all your hope in them

The list goes on and you can add your own because although it has the same negative common factor but it differs from person to person.

How do I know that I’m discouraged?

Amongst many signs of discouragement, the following are a few :

  • Negative thoughts- Images or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions. You end up believing they are true if you keep pondering on them, e.g “I will never get married,” “No one finds me attractive,” “ Life has no meaning for me,” “If I get married again my spouse might cheat on me or they might die like the first one.”
  • Insomnia- Difficulty initiating sleeps or maintaining sleep, or both.
  • Overeating or Loss of appetite- Comfort eating which leads to uncontrolled eating or eating disorder.
  • Forgetfulness- The mind is occupied by discouragement it cannot remember the everyday simple things

Overcoming discouragement

  • First of all do not be in denial or start blaming other people for the way you feel. Face your own challenge.
  • Turn your energy into something meaningful so that you don’t keep thinking about your setbacks.
  • Helping other people can be very therapeutic, rather than wallowing in your own problems or allowing your problems to drown you try and reach out to somebody. You will be amazed at how doing something good for somebody else helps you forget and overcome your own troubles.
  • Try again; Like Winston Churchill said “Never, ever give up.”
  • Write down your new ideas. The minute you start writing, more ideas will flow through your mind and make sure to follow up with appropriate action.
  • Set new goals. Setting new goals will help you see why something did not work out in the first instance.
  • Forgive. Forgiveness is very vital to your healing. As a matter of fact your healing begins the moment you forgive.

One more point before I stop, let your discouragement become a motivation for you to pray. There is nothing God cannot do and the surest way to approach Him is praying. The Bible in 1 Peter 5:7 says Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you, so you don’t need to carry it alone when His hands are open wide to receive you.

Discipline and Little Children

by Nomthi Odukoya

Children are heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward (Psalm 127:3)

Children go through different phases in life, and it is the responsibility of their parents to guide them through these phases. The rule to guiding them does not rest solely on Proverbs 23:13-14 “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.” as most African parents believe.

Ephesians 6:4 says “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”. Teaching and reprimanding go beyond the use of a rod in teaching children to recognise right from wrong.

It is pertinent to understand your child’s stage of development, as this will inform the way that you discipline them. For example there’s the terrible twos where your little one might display tendencies of being feisty and difficult, throwing temper tantrums or talking back at you. This is simply a phase when children are exploring and trying to express their independence; at this stage they need guidance to help shape their character.

I remember talking to a friend and she recalled hearing her sons talking after she had banned them from playing their favourite video game for being naughty.

“It is better when she beats us.” said the younger brother with teary eyes. “This new punishment is too hard, we should avoid being naughty,” they concluded.

Each child is different; some might require a spanking, while for others, a talk on acceptable and unacceptable behaviours, or being banned from doing something he/she loves might be better.

Here are few thoughts on how to handle the development of your children:

Pray for your child: You are the first prophet of your child’s life; make good use of that position while you have it.

Identify the individuality of each child: Treat your children with fairness; show no favouritism but understand that not all children can be handled in same way. I have heard mother’s say, “Why can’t you just be like your elder brother?” Don’t waste your energy comparing your children, God created everyone uniquely. As a parent, identify their different personality traits and handle them appropriately.

Define their boundaries: Don’t assume that your child will understand right from wrong innately. Define clear boundaries from a young age and they will follow it throughout their life. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Consider the motive of a child’s action: The ‘naughtiness’ might be to get your attention or it might be born out of ignorance.

Validate your children: If Jesus needed to be validated by God before commencing his ministry (Luke 3:21), your children also need validation from you. It will be their defence against criticism and the bullies of this world. Encourage your child, even if when he or she is not doing so well.

Watch your response: Don’t respond to your child on his or her level, remember you are modelling the behavioural patterns that you will eventually see in your child. When your child is showing his or her worst side, do not be tempted to show yours- be calm. Handle every situation firmly but calmly.

Be consistent: Don’t exhibit inconsistent behavioural patterns. If you tell your child not to lie, do not lie in their presence; it will confuse their values.  Also if you say you’re going to do something, or if you have prescribed a punishment, it is important to always follow through.

Love: As much as your child tests your patience, continue to respond in love. And when you discipline your child, do so in love.

Forgive easily: Give multiple chances and be quick to forgive.

Try different correctional methods: Keep trying new mode of correction or discipline till you find the one that works for your child. Like in the example I mentioned earlier, being banned from a favourite activity is sometimes a more effective punishment than being beaten. Find out what works for your child.

Endure the phases: Most of the time periods of misbehaviour, whether during the terrible toddler phase or the angry adolescent phase, do not last long. To give up on your child is to give up on yourself.

Your children are heritages from the Lord (Psalm 127:3) and they are for signs and wonders (Isaiah 8:18), love and cherish them and they will bring you joy.

Waiting Tip

by Nomthi Odukoya

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 “With the mouth, confession is made unto salvation”. (Romans 10:10b)

The third tip is SPEAKING

Having internalized the word of God that you have ingested, it’s time to speak it until you have your testimony. Proverbs 18:21 says,‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits’.

Words are both powerful and creative. The whole of creation is a reflection of the creative ability of God’s spoken words. At creation, God said, “Let there be”, and it came to be. As you speak the word of God, it will come to be in your life in Jesus’ name.

There is tremendous power in spoken words to carve out a new reality different from what is presently there. God created everything out of nothing through His spoken words and you are made in His image (Genesis 1:26). You therefore have the same ability. You must declare what God says about your situation, nothing else, because you will have whatever you say.

Words are so powerful, the Psalmist prayed “set a guard, O Lord over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm141:3).

I remember the story of a boy named Afolabi who was nicknamed “Folly’ by his parents and peers. After awhile, the boy started acting imprudently and silly. His mum started praying for him.

One night, God asked her, “What is your son’s name?”

“Afolabi”, she replied

God then asked, “What do you call him?”

She answered, “Folly”

Check for the meaning of “Folly”, God said.

She quickly grabbed her dictionary and realized she had been calling her son ‘lack of good sense, understanding or foresight, foolish’. She immediately stopped calling him “Folly” and ensured that all of his friends did the same. Before long, the boy was back to his smart and jovial self. There is power in your mouth.

In Luke 1:20, the Angel made Zacharias dumb to prevent him from speaking contrarily to the promise of God. ‘But behold, you will be mute and not be able to speak until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words which will be fulfilled in their own time.’ It is better to say nothing than to speak something that conflictsthe word of God, however, silence in itself can give the enemy the opportunity to speak on your behalf.

Why not open your mouth and declare the word of God concerning you. Ecclesiastes 8:4 says that where the word of a king is, there is power -‘You are the king of this earth, declare the word’.

Every promise from God is like a signed cheque that cannot bounce. Your responsibility is to cash it by aligning yourself to the word of God. The attitude to receiving the promise should be like Mary in Luke 1:38 -‘Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.’ Though you may not understand ‘how it will be’, just say what He has said about you.

You might say,‘I have been confessing but there is no miracle’, Habakkuk 2:3 says, ‘the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry’. The word of God is settled in heaven and our faith filled confession will bring it into manifestation on earth.

Hebrews 10:23 says,,‘Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful’.God will bring His words in your mouth to pass. Keep speaking.

You are next in line for a testimony…

WAITING TIPS

by Nomthi Odukoya

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Jesus said to him ‘ if you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes. Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears ‘Lord, I believe; help my unbelief! “. (Mark 9:23-24)

The next tip is BELIEVE

Having read/listened to the different testimonies, it’s time to believe God for yours.

Rom 10:10 says “For with the heart, one believes unto righteousness,”. The heart is the soil on which the word of God takes root and will produce a harvest. The condition of the heart is therefore a critical ingredient for a result oriented waiting period that is why Prov 4:23 says “keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life.” The devil (the father of lies) is in a constant battle for our belief/heart, it’s up to us to consciously choose to believe God’s word (the truth) over and above anything else.

The heart condition must be one that believes in the supremacy and ability of God irrespective of the prevailing condition. Even if the doctors and families have written your case off, we serve a God that specializes in impossible situations. There is nothing impossible with God; the prerequisite is a believing heart.

There is need to change our thinking to align with the word of God. This might be against common sense; the truth is that what is required is God-sense: this involves building confidence in the reality of supernatural things not seen. The impossible starts invisibly in the heart before the physical manifestation takes place. Abraham in Genesis did not consider the oldness of his body nor of Sarah’s, he believed God, and Isaac (the son of promise) eventually came.

You can begin to name your children or shop for them in faith. Faith is the hand that brings from the spiritual to the physical. Though it may look like God has forgotten you or not interested in your case, just keep on believing and don’t give room for doubt, he will come through for you just like he did for Hannah and Sarah who believed Him against all odds.

Like the opening text, we might sometimes have to ask God to help our unbelief when we feel weak because our faith antenna must be on a frequency that is ready to receive.

You are next in line for a testimony….

PRAY DURING PREGNANCY

by Nomthi Odukoya

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Ever heard the saying “Don’t leave your future to chance”? I believe that this saying cannot be truer than when pregnant. According to Sociologists, every child is born a clean slate upon which words and experience write.

During pregnancy, this clean slate can be written upon with our words of prayers. It has been medically proven that from the age of 16 weeks, babies in the womb begin to respond to voices, words, moods, thoughts etc of the mother. This gives the mother the rare opportunity of being the sole influence on the baby. This is how and when we begin to write on this clean slate.

Prayer, as we know it, is communicating with God and, at the same time, instructing creation to align to meet our needs. You will declare a thing, and it will be established for you (Job 22:28). So we cannot overemphasize the power of an expectant mother’s prayer.

From the time of Moses till this very day, some of our most influential heroes became history makers because of their mothers’ prayers.

The late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, in a number of her sermons, spoke of how she prayed her first child Toluwani into the singing ministry while she was pregnant. Today, if you hear Tolu’s voice, you will immediately understand the importance of the prayers of an expectant mother, no matter how trivial or insignificant they may seem.

Abraham Lincoln, unarguably one of America’s most influential presidents, said: “I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me, they have clinged to me all my life.” He attributed all his great feats to his mother’s prayers.

Another name worthy of mention is George Washington whom his mother prayed for, just few hours before his delivery. Upon achieving many successes in life, he attributed all his successes to the prayers of his mother and honoured her with the words: “All that I am, I owe to my mother.”

So, you do not have to leave your future to chance like most mothers do inadvertently. Pray constantly (that is without ceasing) for your unborn child.

Prayers aid divine perception and so many gain prophetic insight into the future during prayers. God can reveal certain aspects of the child’s future to the mother. Examples in the Bible include the mothers of Moses, John the Baptist, Samson, Jesus, to mention a few.

Also, you can sometimes influence your unborn child with certain God-like attributes (probably the ones you lack but which you wish you had). For example gentleness, self-control, kindness etc.

Rise up, Expectant Mother! God is depending on you.

WAITING TIPS

by Nomthi Odukoya

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“He grants the barren woman a home, like a joyful mother of children….” Psalm 113:9 (NKJV)

Considering the microwave generation that we live in, the word “wait” seems an opposition to the ideal. However, it is sometimes the Master’s way of getting us prepared for the miracle he is about to bestow on us.

The waiting period is actually the preparation period, so do not waste it. When making a pot of soup, for example, there is need to wait for the soup to cook. While waiting, other ingredients to make the soup delicious are being prepared.

What will be discussed here includes various tips that make waiting time pleasurable. Classic Bible examples of people that waited include Sarah having to wait for Isaac, Hannah waiting for Samuel, Rachael waiting for Joseph, Elizabeth waiting for John, the list is endless.

Remember, whenever it seems like God is coming late, He is coming big. He will come through for you. Acts 10:34 says that God shows no partiality. This is the time to grow and develop faith. The first among the many tips we will be considering is LISTENING.

Listening?

Yes, listening to Fruitful Vine testimonies; the stories of how God came through for people that have been in similar situations. According to Roman 10:17, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. This is to help people in this situation cultivate the habits of listening to God’s Word and not the world’s report. Usually the world has a way of defining situations in a way that contradicts the Word of God. One classic example is the fact that the world would want to grab, to accumulate, but the Word of God says give to increase.

The Bible thus seems a paradox, yet all of life’s blessings and successes can be obtained by meditating on the Word. Only Jehovah has the final say and our help can come from Him alone. Listen and be encouraged by the testimonies of others, knowing that the same God that came through for them will do the same for you. This does not negate medical treatments, but understand that the Chief Physician, the Almighty God, is in your boat and you cannot sink, neither will you be put to shame (Romans 5:3-5).