One of the most important fabrics of human life is the capacity to form and maintain relationships. Relationships can be physical, spiritual and emotional. Women are emotional and therefore tend to first bond emotionally with others before physical and/or spiritual relational bonds are formed.

Emotional bonds are created and strengthened by communication. In other words, you will bond emotionally with those who you talk to regularly, and if it is the opposite sex, a physical bond can follow. This makes it imperative to guard against access to your emotions. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it stems the issues of life”.

Any unchecked communication breakdown between your spouse and yourself will open you up to external interference. Most women will only bond with a third person after being hurt or abandoned by their spouse. The trick of the devil is to create a gulf between you and your spouse so his antics can prevail. Heed the instruction of the Bible, and don’t allow the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26). Resolve every issue and keep your friendship intact.

The emotional affair is the most subtle and unassuming form of adultery; it occurs when two people take friendship to a deeper level but excludes any forms of sexual intimacy. Once you get close enough to someone to share your dreams, fears, hopes and aspirations, the friendship takes on a life of its own. An emotional affair does not depend only on the amount of time spent together but the experiences shared. The assumption is that “you are not sleeping with him; he is just your friend”. When you exchange sensual messages or your flirt with your colleague, you are being caught in a trap.

There is the disillusion that because the relationship is not physical, it is not harmful. The reality is, where a woman’s heart is, her body will eventually follow.

Warning signs of an emotional affair:

• Going out of your way to attract his attention
• Changing your wardrobe or posture to educe compliments from him
• Displaying glittery body language when he is around
• Being excited about spending time with him and concealing the amount of time spent together from your spouse
• Enjoying his company more than your spouse’s
• Wishing that he were your husband
• Turning to him to meet your emotional needs
• Looking to him for words of affirmation
• Neglecting your family to spend time with him
• Acting irritably towards your spouse and always ready to pick up a fight
• Not answering certain calls in the presence of your spouse or deleting certain text messages from your phone

If you observe any of the above, you could be in an emotional affair – pull back and put a stop to it.

The former Governor of South Carolina(US), Mark Sanford, was once thought of as a potential presidential candidate – such was his appeal amongst voters. However his political ambitions were ruined when it was discovered that he was engaged in an affair with an Argentinian journalist. When the  affair was exposed, he stated that the relationship with the woman in Argentina started innocently but then escalated. If he had never formed a close private friendship with her, he would never have fallen sexually. It is not enough to say he is just my friend. Does your spouse know ‘your friend’ and the type of things you discuss?

Secrecy is the lifeline of such affairs. Psychologists say that emotional affairs are now a common issue of discussion in couple’s therapy, as increasing numbers of people are cheating on their spouses emotionally rather than physically. Emotional bonds can actually be more damaging than physical bonds because it involves deep connection, support and companionship that should be shared with your partner.

If the emotional bond between a man and a woman is weakened, trust is hard to regain or rebuild. Paula Hall, a psychotherapist at Relate says, “Emotional affairs can be as devastating as sexual infidelity.”

Here is how to deal with the affair:

• Confront your feeling and discuss it with your partner. Communication is very important.
• Pray about your relationship with the third party – ask God to help you distance yourself emotionally from him.
• Cut off all communication with the third party; this includes emails, phone calls, text and/or visits
• Set relationship boundaries in general, but especially with the opposite sex
• See a Counsellor or Pastor (if necessary)

Do not blame the cause of the affair on your husband’s failure to meet your emotional needs; take responsibility for your action. Your marriage is too important; it is just a matter of time before an emotional affair will mature into a sexual affair.  Your body is the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19), so it is imperative that you guard against any form of affair.